


goku is just anime superman

by GucciAspirin



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: F/F, Naruto crossover, don't expect this to make perfect sense., dragon ball z crossover, little witch academia crossover, placed sometimes after Ivy and Harley have sex but before Psycho betrays Harley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25474822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GucciAspirin/pseuds/GucciAspirin
Summary: Harley Quinn must collect all the dragon balls to save both Gotham and the love of her life.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Kudos: 9





	goku is just anime superman

**Author's Note:**

> For Amina :)

It happened in under an hour, something even Harley would never predict - though she had a vaguely similar dream when she was in the fifth grade.

In her dream when the universe split open, the My Little Pony universe had opened up as well and she went inside and played with Rainbow Dash until Frankie Muniz (a la Malcolm and the Middle) came and whisked her away atop Twilight Sparkles back.

Reality was much crueler.

Ivy was dead.

A lot of people were dead due to Gotham being completely blown up by an alien invader - but Harley mostly only cared about the death of the true love of her life. Not Frankie Muniz, and definitely not Mr. J.

Harley’s world was starting to collapse on itself, both physically speaking (the earth was actually slowly imploding as portals began to spring up everywhere), and mentally.

“Harley!” King Shark said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “We gotta get out of here before that portal sucks us in too.”

The portal that randomly appeared by the mall had already eaten their base, it ate most of Gotham, it ate Ivy. Oh, and also Psycho.

Harley, Clayface and King Shark - who were the closest to Sy when the portal appeared - were riding on top of his now car-like body as they fled the outer perimeter of Gotham.

“We gotta go back,” Harley said, looking at the portal as it continued to get bigger and bigger. Nothing came out of it, it only sucked things up. Harley had the thought that maybe Ivy wasn’t dead, maybe she’d just been swept away.

“Are you kidding me?” King Shark said.

“My hand went into that thing,” Clayface said, “And I regret to say that it is no longer in existence.” He grew back a new hand, something Harley didn’t even know he could do.

“Well Ivy got sucked up into that thing. Like hell I’m just going to-” Harley stopped as she noticed a man in an orange suit flying through the sky. He stopped flying and started to fall. “What the shit,” she said as the man fell closer and closer to their rapidly moving car.

“Superman?” King Shark said.

But Harley had seen superman several times, and knew that wasn’t it. This man’s hair was long and spiked up, though not with gel. It was just naturally like that. Under different circumstances Harley would have asked how, but with the earth being destroyed it didn’t take precedence over her other questions. “Sy. Catch!”

“Huh?” Sy said, his deformed car-shaped body coming to a quick halt. “Catch wha-oof.”

Sy rattled and groaned as a large man hit the roof of what Harley thought might be Sy’s back. She didn’t really get how the whole car thing worked.

Harley was the first to exit, jumping on top of the car to see if the man was still alive.

“Who the hell are you?” Harley asked, putting her foot on his chest. There was a 99% chance he was irrelevant to the situation at hand, but Harley wasn’t going to let that 1% chance slip through her fingers. Not when Ivy was gone.

The man opened his eyes wide, then gave a sheepish grin.

“Are you sure that’s not Superman,” King Shark said as he left Sy’s mutilated car of a body. “Cause he kinda looks like superman.”

“Look at his hair,” Harley said.

The man chuckled. “Uh. Sorry to interrupt, but who are you guys?”

“No. Who are you?” Harley shouted, eyes narrowing as she paid close attention to his face. He had a weird look about him.

“Um.” He chuckled again and scratched the back of his head. “I’m Son Goku. I came to this world to look for something, but uhm. If I don’t go through that portal that’s creeping up, it’s going to cause your world to implode so, if you could-”

Harley put more weight in her foot, but the man didn’t seem to mind. “That thing,” she said, “killed the love of my life. Are you telling me you caused that?”

“The love of your life?” Clayface asked.

Harley snapped her head to look at Clayface, her eyes widening. “Yeah, like in the best friend kind of way. I love a lot of people. I kiss people at random.” She leaned forward and kissed Goku. “See?”

“Uh. Ok,” King Shark said.

“What’s happening,” Sy asked.

“You,” Harley said, looking back at Goku.

“Oh jeez,” Goku said. “It did?”

“Yeah it fucking did!” Harley screamed. “Does you going back into that thing fix things?”

Another sheepish smile. “No… not if someone is dead.”

“A lot of people are dead!”

“I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble,” Goku said. “But if you find the dragon balls…”

“Whose balls?” Harley asked, clinging on the faintest feeling of hope.

“A dragon’s balls are gonna be hard to get,” King Shark muttered.

“No. The dragon balls,” Goku said. “They’ve been spread across a bunch of different universes - that’s the main reason I’m here. But I didn’t know it would cause all of this,” he said in reference to the destruction. “I think we might be able to help each other out.” He freed himself from underneath Harley’s foot, standing tall in front of her. He did remind her a little of superman.

“I need to gather the rest of the dragon balls back to my earth, but for some reason my existence in some worlds is causing mass destruction.” He reached around and scratched the back of his head. “If you could collect the other three, you could wish for your friends back and I’d have the dragon balls back on my earth!”

“Yeah… I’m lost,” King Shark said.

Goku reached inside of a brown pouch at his side and pulled out an orange ball with 4 stars sealed inside. “I have four so far. Once I go into that portal I’ll be sent back to my earth and all of this will stop. But I need the other three balls.”

“So is all that stuff being sucked up into your earth?” Harley asked.

“Nope! I have no idea where that’s going. It only sends me back.”

Harley’s stomach dropped. She had no choice. “How do I do this?”

“We’re going to look for the balls of the dragon?” Clayface asked.

“Look. If you guys want to run, you can. But I’m going to save Ivy.”

“Are you crazy - don’t answer that,” King Shark said. “Of course we’re going to save Ivy with you.”

“Can I come?” Sy asked.

Harley smiled faintly at them before looking back to Goku. “So what do we do?”

Goku grinned and went through his satchel again, bringing out two things that both looked like different variations of bop-it toys. “This is a dragon ball finder - it’ll tell you where they all are. And this,” he said, bringing attention to the other thingy, “Is a universe jumper. Just enter the Earth and you’re set.”

Harley took both things, and then two long arms reached from the sides of Sy’s body and grabbed them. “I’ll add em to my body just-there, and oops,” something dropped to the ground but was picked up quickly, “there we go. We’re set.”

“So there’s three more of these things?”

Goku nodded. “Just bring them back to me. I’m on Earth 12930-G.”

“What Earth is this?” Harley asked.

“69,” he answered.

Both Harley and King Shark laughed. Sy laughed too.

“Oh,” Clayface said. “Haha,” he began to laugh. “I totally understand this joke.” He laughed harder, though it was forced. “Hilarious, Mr. Goku.”

“Did I say something funny?” he asked with a chuckle, scratching his chin.

“Alright. We gotta get a move on it,” Harley said. “Where to first, Sy?”

“Eh lemme look at this thing. Earth-420.” Harley and King Shark once again laughed.

“It’s the irony,” King Shark said, getting into the car.

Clayface pretended to laugh again, harder this time.

“Alright Goku,” Harley said. “If this doesn’t work, Dragon balls aren’t gonna be the only balls we collect.”

He laughed nervously. “Right,” he said. “Meet me when you have the other three. I should probably set off now before your earth completely collapses on itself. If only I could get their faster… my power doesn’t work the same on this earth.”

“Good luck with that,” Harley answered. “Sy. Hit it.”

“Hitting it,” Sy said.

A blast overcame all of them, and Harley was sure she was going to throw up her lunch, but then the car was still again.

“That’s disgusting,” King Shark said. When Harley turned her head to look at them, she saw bits of brown matter recollecting back into Clayface. The backseat was covered with the stuff.

“Lost my stomach a bit there,” he said.

“Happens. Sy, where are we?” Harley looked out the window. Mostly there was just an over abundance of weird trees. Harley thought about how Ivy might like them. When she looked through the trees, Harley could make out what looked to be a giant castle. “Woah. Are we, like, in Harry Potter?”

“You know I auditioned for the role of Harry?” Clayface mused.

“Harry what?” Sy said. “Lemme see the GPS just a second here, uh… Yep. Lunar Ova,” Sy said.

“What’s that?” Harley asked. A screen came out from the radio of the car/Sy, pinpointing where they were on a circular radar that Harley didn’t completely understand. A ball icon was in the upper right corner of the radar.

“It’s touch screen,” Sy said. “Go on.”

Harley tapped the pinpoint on the map and the screen changed to show a picture of a large castle. “Luna Nova,” Harley said. “Looks like - oh my god. It is like Harry Potter.”

“Those books were overrated,” King Shark said. “Why the hell would he name his son after Sna-”

“Okay, it’s an all girls school,” Harley said as she continued to read the information.

“All girls school?” King Shark questioned. “Those exist? I thought that was just a thing on TV.”

“Alright doesn’t look like we’re just gonna be able to walk in,” Harley said, exiting the car. “Clayface, you go in disguised as a student and get me a uniform, we’ll then figure out a way to get the ball once we’re both inside.”

“What about me,” King Shark said.

Harley bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t wanna waste anytime getting Ivy back. Can you guys go to the next place. We’ll all meet up back here in four hours.”

“Only four hours?” Clayface exclaimed. “That isn’t nearly enough time for me to master the role. I’m thinking of playing a young student, nervous, withdrawn - but then! - from out her sprouts the wings of youth. A beautiful flower in full bloom.”

“Okay. Ivy is dead - we have no time to play games.”

“Hey what happened to that other one,” Sy said. “Psycho.”

“Oh he died,” King Shark said. “I saw a refrigerator slam right into his head - we’re gonna bring him back too, right?”

“Sure,” Harley said slowly. “Of course that was in my plan too. Duh.” She said, though she’d stopped thinking about anything other than Ivy the second Ivy got sucked into that portal. It wouldn’t have happened if Harley had just listened to Ivy call out to her seconds earlier. Ivy only fell into that thing because she was throwing Harley towards Sy, after all.

She had to do this fast, to see if it was even possible - though she refused to believe that this wouldn’t bring Ivy back.

“Fine…if it is a fleeting role, then I shall play it with effortless abandon.” Clayface began to mold, the brown substance on his body slowly shifting until he gave form to a teenage girl. He had long black hair with bangs covering most of his forehead. Dark brown eyes stared back at Harley, then he smiled. “Okay. Ready when you are.”

“Harley I’ll send you the app data to the dragon’s balls,” Sy said. Harley felt her phone buzz in her pocket and looked at her phone. A radar appeared, similar to the one Sy had shown her in the car.

“Okay. Let’s get going,” Harley said, not looking back at the odd mix of sounds Sy gave as he went on to the next earth with King Shark. There was no time to waste.

Harley and Clayface walked towards the direction of the school, only stopping when they heard voices. “Okay. Meet me here with clothes so I can get in,” Harley said as she hid behind a large tree that resembled oak.

“You know this is a high school, right,” Clayface said.

“Yeah. Get me one of those cute little witch outfits.” Clayface was already wearing one, along with a new face and body.

“Trying to pass for under 20, I see.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Clayface said quickly. “Be back soon. For Ivy!” he shouted as he headed onto the school grounds.

“Sheesh. Be a little louder,” Harley muttered to herself as she watched from behind the tree.

There were a few girls outside of the campus. All of them wearing purple robes and hats. If Harley wasn’t in the middle of a crisis she might be excited about the notion of sneaking into a magic school. She never finished the Harry Potter books or movies, but she did fantasize about being a witch when she was a kid. Making potions and shit.

Clayface walked into the school’s main doors without being stopped, though he did take pause when a familiar face walked past him to go outside. Harley froze as well.

“Ivy?” she whispered.

This girl didn’t have green skin, but her face was indistinguishable as well as that bright red hair. She looked younger as well, her face not completely stretched out from its youth. Her eyes were a striking green, both calm and calculating as she looked around the outside of the campus.

She turned and spoke to Clayface, who was staring blankly at her, mouth opened.

Harley couldn’t hear, but the conversation ended quickly as Clayface said something before scurrying inside. She didn’t have time to think about it before something from the sky came crashing down just a few feet in front of Ivy. At this, Harley balked.

It was her. On a broom. She was thinner and her skin wasn’t bleached. She looked exactly the same when she was 16, except her hair wasn’t tied up. Instead it hung down low, light blond draped over her shoulders.

“Quinn!” Ivy screamed loud enough for Harley to hear them. It was an angry scream, her expression was also angry. Eyes narrowed harshly and mouth curved down into a sharp frown.

This world’s Harley - or Quinn? - lay on the ground, looking up after a few seconds to take in her surroundings. When she saw Ivy hovering above her she backed away sheepishly. “Shit - I mean. Sorry,” Quinn said.

“What the hell are you doing flying that around here like that?” Ivy shouted. Harley recognized something pass on her face, even though she was at a distance from them.

It was the same look as when Harley blew up the chemical factory years ago after a bad breakup with Joker. She’d almost blown herself up in the process, and Ivy was mad - but not because she’d blown up a major chemical plant causing a good deal of plant life around it to be damaged in the process. She was mad because it had been such an insanely dangerous stunt in the first place.

Harley smiled, though her counterpart was flustered near the point of tears.

“S-sorry,” Quinn said. Harley couldn’t hear it, but she could read her lips well enough.

“Don’t do it again,” Ivy said, turning away from her and walking away, towards the back of the school.

Harley watched her counterpart for a few more seconds before looking down at her phone to check the time. She noticed the ball icon moving closer and closer towards her, then. A minute later Clayface was back, carrying it.

“You got it!?” Harley asked. He’d only been gone for twenty minutes.

“Yeah. It was out in the open, so I just grabbed it.”

“Did you get me a uniform?” Harley asked.

Clayface looked at her curiously, lips pursing. “I got the dragon ball,” he said.

“Clayface,” Harley said, voice clipped.

He smiled and pulled out a uniform from his stomach - all whilst still in the body of a high school girl - Harley thought it was both cool and disgusting.

“You’re the best,” Harley said, taking it with a smile.

“So what’s the plan now. Invade the school? Harness their magical energy to take back home and show off to Gotham?”

“Hm. Maybe next time,” Harley said. She pointed to her counterpart. “That’s the plan for now.”

“You?” he asked.

“This is an all girls school, right?” Harley asked. “I think the me here has a crush on the Ivy here. How was she by the way?”

“Terrifying!” Clayface exclaimed, almost happily. “Perhaps she is the flower that needs to bloom. With the help of adolescent love. How joyous. I’m in,” he said.

Harley began taking off her regular clothes, turning her body away from Clayface only slightly as she started to put on the witches outfit. She didn’t look that different from her counterpart. A little older, hotter - obviously - more bad ass. The uniform was a tight around her butt, but other than that it fit like a glove.

“How do I look?” Harley asked as she put on the hat.

“Not a day over 22,” Clayface said with a smile.

Harley ignored that. “Okay. I’m gonna go find Ivy. You deal with me.”

“What should I say?”

Harley began to walk towards the school. “Whatever you would say to me!” she said as she went in the direction Ivy had gone, trying to hide her face from other students she passed.

Behind the school was a glasshouse. It was filled with plants Harley had never seen before. Pink flowers that were taller than Harley, trees with odd fruits hanging off, bushes with leaves that looked like wheels. In the middle of all of it was Ivy, all alone.

Harley entered.

“Leave,” Ivy said, not even turning around to see who it was. “I don’t like working with people in here. You know that.”

“I do?” Harley questioned.

Ivy turned, green eyes going slightly wide. “Quinn?” she said in a sharp voice that was higher in pitch, but still devoid of warmth. “You of all people know that. What the hell did you do to yourself?” she asked.

Harley looked at her pale skin. “Magical mishap,” she said, voice thin and even more confused than Ivy’s. “Whatcha doing?”

“You’re always getting into magical mishaps,” Ivy said with a short roll of her eyes. “I don’t understand why they even let you in here.”

Harley swallowed and dropped her head slightly. She realized she didn’t know who this Ivy was, even if she did recognize some of her facial expressions.

“Sorry,” Ivy said, surprising Harley. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked at Harley, eyes softening just the tiniest bit. “But you goof around too much. You’re going to end up getting yourself killed.”

“Having fun sometimes isn’t a bad thing,” Harley defended.

“Magic isn’t something to have fun with,” Ivy said back, clipped. “Now if you’d leave me to what I was working on.”

“Tell me what you’re working on, and I’ll leave,” Harley said. She walked closer until she could see the plant behind Ivy.

Ivy sighed and turned towards the plant. It was about two feet high, and nothing particularly special. It looked like a large standing vine more than a potted plant, though leaves sprouted from the sides of it. “I’ve been creating a restoration spell,” she said. She took a bottle of something and dumped it into the soil of the plant, and within seconds the plant was wilting, drooping sadly in its pot.

Harley almost jumped back witnessing it. 

“Watch,” Ivy said, placing her hands on top of the soil in the potter. She breathed in, and suddenly the plant grew strong again. Even more than that, the leaves started turning into little yellow flowers. They looked similar to sunflowers, except the middle was white with a marshmallow looking texture.

“Woah. That seems pretty fucking created, Ive’s,” Harley exclaimed, smiling.

“Ive’s?” Ivy questioned.

Harley blinked a few times and then covered her mouth as she realized what she’d said. “Ive’s. Kinda like Ivy,” Harley explained. “Cause you’re like… Ivy. The plant.”

“Oh. A nickname,” Ivy said. She smiled a little, and then it faltered. “So you’ll go now?”

“Why do you want me to leave?” Harley asked.

“Because you’re a distraction. You’re always a distraction.” She took a sharp breath from out her nose.

“Do you have any friends?” Harley asked after a few quiet seconds.

“I don’t need them,” Ivy said.

“Well. Like it or not…I’m your friend,” Harley said with an earnest smile. Ivy blushed slightly, and then turned around.

“I told you I don’t-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harley began to walk towards the doors. “Show me this again sometime in case I forget.”

“You’re strange,” Ivy said, not commenting any further.

“That’s what ya love about me,” Harley said as she left. She smiled to herself, content. Some things about Ivy didn’t change, even in a different universe. Harley had a feeling things would work themselves out here.

She went back to their spot behind the trees to wait for Clayface. He and Quinn were no longer out in the open, and all Harley could hope for is that Clayface wasn’t traumatically fucking her alternate self up.

When the doors to the school opened again with both Clay Face and Quinn, Harley was confused as both of them started to walk towards her spot in the trees.

“Harley!” Clayface said.

“Holy shit,” Quinn said, taking in Harley’s appearance. “Do I need to tan more in the future?”

Clayface laughed. “No. No. That’s a very long, and complicated story. Now. Harley, meet Harlot.”

“Harlot?” Harley asked, looking at her counterpart. “My parents named you Harlot!?”

Harlot Quinn nodded glumly. “Most people just call me Quinn, though,” she held out her hand. “Nice to meet’cha.”

She was way better than Harley was at sixteen. Harley shook her hand tentatively, waiting to see if she’d be shocked by some sort of electric buzzer. She wasn’t. It was just a simple handshake.

“Is it true you and Pam are friends where you’re from?” she asked. “How? I’ve been trying to get her to notice me since I got to this stupid school. Nothing works. She hates me.”

Harley chuckled. “She doesn’t hate you. That’s just Ivy,” she said softly. “And you don’t need to try and impress her. Just be there.”

“Be there?”

“Yeah. She needs a friend, even if she thinks she doesn’t.” Harley held her counterparts hand. “So be there. Sometimes she needs someone to rely on. But most of the time it’ll be the opposite. When she needs you, you’ll know it, though.”

“Huh,” Harlot said. “But she’s the strongest witch here besides the professors. How could someone like that need me?”

“I ask myself that sometimes too,” Harley said. “But it’ll come. Also…never let a man control your life. And if you ever get the urge to cut your bangs - don’t.”

“I have another question,” said Harlot. “Are you and Ivy just friends?”

Harley faltered at that. “I gotta get going kid. Best of luck to you, though,” she said, walking away.

From behind her, in the growing distance, Harlot called out, “Thanks! By the way - love the hair!”

“Drug store dye job!” Harley called out from over her shoulder as she walked with Clayface back to the meeting spot.

Surprisingly King Shark was already there, standing outside of Sy. He held a ball in his hand, and Clayface, turning back into his actual form, took the ball from out of his stomach.

“Two balls under two hours?” Harley exclaimed. “This is gonna be easy.”

“That other world was awful!” King Shark said. “Mass pandemic happening. Also I guess they’ve never seen a shark before because as soon as I started walking around reporters were swarming me! Ended up eating two of them.”

“Where was the ball?”

“The white house,” King Shark said. “Kinda had to eat Donald Trump too. Got a little too close.”

“Okay. Just how many people did you eat?” Harley asked.

“Twelve” Sy said. “Are we ready to get moving?”

“Yeah.” Harley got into the drivers seat of the car. “One left, Ivy. Hold on.”

The car began to vibrate, and once again Harley’s stomach lifted in the most unpleasant way possible as they warped to the next universe. Sy rang with a hard thud as they landed.

“Okay. I’m gonna have to sit up front next time because you’re about to make me sick,” King Shark said. Harley turned to see brown matter scattered around the backseat once again. She looked away and took in a breath. It smelled, and she thought she was going to throw up if she kept looking at it.

“It’s not something I can help,” Clayface said as he gathered back together.

“Doesn’t make it any less nasty,” King Shark said. “Okay! So where these balls at.”

The radar showed up on the cars dash again. This ball was further away, but once again they were entrapped in a forest making it so that Sy couldn’t drive forward any further. Not without mass deforestation, at least.

“Why is it always a forest,” King Shark said, echoing Harley’s thoughts.

“You guys landed in a forest last time too?” she asked.

“Something like that…” he said, but didn’t elaborate.

“Sy where are we?” Harley asked.

“There’s no Internet data here,” Sy said, then muttered, “Damn technology era ruining your brains. Go outside! See the sun.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Harley said, leaving the car. “Last ball. Since we don’t know where we are, you guys come with me,” she said looking at Clayface and King Shark. “Sy, stay here.”

“Nothing like the old heist days,” Sy said, and then grew quiet. Harley was pretty sure he was sleeping.

“Let’s get going. We have no idea what we’re gonna find out here.”

“As long as it’s not a global pandemic again,” King Shark said.

They walked through the forest, going towards the direction of the ball and finding nothing in their way except more forest. Harley thought that was all they’d be doing…walking miles and miles to find the stupid ball.

Then all three of them were abruptly stopped, vines lifting and capturing them - though Clayface slid out immediately and King Shark broke through them.

“Stop,” a familiar voice said.

From the trees came out another Ivy, as well as another Harley and Selena. Ivy was closer to her actual age, and her skin was green. She looked no different aside from the weird headband she had wrapped around her forehead. Selena looked the same too, except her eyes were yellow with cat-like slits; which was super fucking cool. Harley on the other hand didn’t have bleached skin here, though she did have two facial markings. A blue strip that went from under right eye, and a pink strip that came from under her left. Her hair was in two pigtails, a headband nestled underneath a loose strand of hair.

“You look _so_ cool,” Harley said, looking at herself. Her counterpart didn’t share her excitement.

“Who are you?” she asked, voice way too calm. “Other villages are not permitted onto Konoha soil unless given permission from the Hokage.”

“She must be using some kind of jutsu to look like Quinn,” Selena said, eyes narrowed.

King Shark held up his hands in surrender. “We’re just here to find the dragon ball, ladies. We don’t want any trouble.”

“Ivy could you loosen up the vines a bit?” Harley asked.

Ivy looked at her, eyes widening. “How do you know my name?” She tightened the vines, nearly crushing Harley’s arm. “Tell us what your business here is now, or die.” All three of them went into a battle like position.

“Shit,” Harley said. Her, Ivy and Selena were always a deadly team. And she knew that Ivy wasn’t joking when she said they’d die.

“Ladies, I beg you to calm down,” Clayface said. “We are not from here and do not know your customs!”

“So you are intruders?” Ivy asked, causing the vines to tighten more. But when Harley let out a loud yelp of pain, they loosened slightly.

“Shit, Ive’s,” Harley muttered. She could barely speak from the weight straining on her chest.

“He means that we’re not from this universe,” King Shark said, carefully. “We came here from another universe because something called a dragon ball is in this universe, and we need it so we can bring back _our_ Ivy. See?” he said, showing them the radar on his phone.

“Nonsense,” Ivy said.

“Wait,” Harley’s counterpart said. “Bring back Ivy from what?” she asked. Ivy looked at her sharply.

“She,” Harley choked out. “Dead. Gotta…save her.”

“Ivy let her go,” the counterpart said.

Selena looked at her “Quinn you can’t be serious. This is obviously-”

“I’ll go with her to find it. I’m sure I can handle it if things go south.”

“Quinn,” Ivy said, voice soft.

Quinn looked at her and smiled, and for the first time Harley could see that they were the same person. “I’m not gonna ignore them if you really are in danger.”

“But I’m not.”

“You are somewhere,” Quinn said. “Let her go. These two will stay with you guys - just in case. She seems harmless, Ive's.” Quinn said, looking up at Harley.

Harley was beginning to feel light headed from the lack of oxygen she was getting. “I promise,” she breathed out, “I’m as harmless as a fly.” A white lie, but it would get her free, she thought.

Ivy dropped her to the ground. Harley arched up so that she landed on her feet, and smiled at her counterpart. “I don’t wanna leave Ivy, um, dead for too long,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse. “You guys okay staying here?” Harley asked, looking at Clayface and King Shark.

“Yeah,” King Shark said. “Do your thing,” he said, sitting down by a tree.

“Let’s go,” Harley said to her counterpart, Quinn. “Name’s Harley, by the way,” she said. “Please tell me you have a normal name. Last universe I went to, my name was Harlot. Who names their kids Harlot? I thought my parents were bad.” She laughed while her counterpart stayed quiet.

“My name is Quinn,” she said. “I am part of the Yamanaka clan.”

Harley didn’t know what that meant, so she simply smiled and said, “Sounds great. Way better than Harlot. So what’s the deal with this place?”

Quinn looked at her, studying her face slightly. “We are ninja.”

“Holy shit no fucking way,” Harley said quickly.

Quinn smirked. “So Ivy is the same on in your world?” she asked, though it wasn’t a question.

“Yeah - but how’d you-”

“Read your mind earlier,” she said, almost teasingly.

“You can read minds?” Oh if only Psycho was here now. She might have to bring him later.

“Yes. And I see that you and Ivy are lovers in your world too.” Quinn grinned. “Though you and I differ in many ways, I’m glad to see some things are the same.”

“Ivy and you-” Harley nearly choked. “We’re not. I mean, we were - it only happened a few times. A few really really great times. And it will never happen again!” Harley swallowed.

“It will,” Quinn said. “Are we nearing?”

Harley looked at the radar. “Ye-yeah…”

“You think by deflecting your emotions you’re doing what’s best for Ivy. Or maybe she thinks that’s what’s best. She’s running, and you’re letting her run. You know as well as I do that one day she’ll have to face what’s she’s feeling, and you’ll have to be there for her to figure that out.”

Harley looked at Quinn, and it was like a window into both the past and future. Maybe this was a future without the Joker. A world where things made more sense. It reminded of of those times when she talked to the past version of herself in her head.

“Hey, read my head,” Harley said. She pictured Mr. J. All the memories she had with him, just to see how this version of herself would react.

“ _You dated him?_ ” she questioned, lip curling slightly. “That man is responsible for thousands of deaths in my village. What is your world…” she looked astounded.

“It’s a bit of a shit show,” Harley admitted. “But with Ivy there, it’s fun. It’s the most fun a person could have.” They neared the ball, which was up in an extremely tall tree. Harley wondered how the hell these things were dispersed.

Quinn smiled and then looked up at the tree. Then with a few ridiculously high jumps she was by the ball, holding onto it before jumping down.

“Woah,” Harley said. A part of her was sad that this version of her was so much cooler.

“This is what you needed?”

Harley nodded, taking the ball. “Thanks…”

“Let’s go back. I don’t like the idea of Ivy dead either.”

“So…is Selena like a permanent fixture to your team?”

“Selena? You mean Cathy?”

“Her name here is Cathy?” Harley said, unable to hide her amusement. _Cathy_. She laughed.

Quinn looked confused but began to laugh as well. “She’s a member of our squad. We were sent out to patrol today. Lucky it’s us who found you.”

“Cobb squad,” Harley said.

“What?”

“It’s a long story,” Harley said with a wave of our hand.

“Okay. I’ll just read it from your mind then,” Quinn said, and then she began to laugh. “So you’re a super villain, Ivy is an eco-terrorist, and Cathy is a burglar?” she laughed harder.

“And you guys are what? Cops?”

“Just ninja. Our police force was massacred several years ago”

“Oh. Shit,” Harley said.

Quinn shrugged. “It was before my time.”

“I’m not exactly a super villain by the way,” Harley said. “I think I’m getting more into anti-villain status lately. Oh! Can you do any really cool ninja tricks. You know, besides reading my mind.”

Quinn smiled and then clasped her hands together. “Shadow Clone Jutsu,” she said, and then a double of her appeared. “Cool right?”

“That…is so bad ass. Can you come home with me one day? Like just to hang - nothing super serious.”

“I do kind of want to see the Cobb squad.”

Through the foliage they found the others. King Shark and Clayface were both sitting down by a tree.

“Got it,” Harley said, lifting up the dragon ball. “We got them all, time to bring Ivy back.” She looked at the other Ivy. “My Ivy, I mean.”

Ivy looked at her with no particular interest. That made Harley miss her Ivy even more.

“She’s been telling the truth,” Quinn said. “This really is just… me from another universe.”

Ivy’s eyes softened at that. “Sorry,” she said to Harley.

“It’s okay Ive’s.” She winked at her and turned. “Good luck, you guys. Come to visit sometime. Earth-69.”

Quinn, Ivy and Cathy watched as they walked towards Sy’s location.

When they approached, Harley set the last dragon ball inside the car, then kicked the door to wake Sy up. “Come on. We have one last stop for Ivy.”

“This has been a long day,” King Shark said, nestling into the passenger seat as he did his best to squeeze in by Harley.

Clay face made his way into the back seat, saying, “Hopefully we get home before SNL. You know Sandra Oh is hosting?”

“Oh I love her,” Harley said.

“She is just so great in her new role,” King Shark added as the car began to whirl and then drop into the last other-earth they would be attending today.

Now they just had to find that spiky haired fuck and they’d be on their way with Ivy, and Psycho too - probably, depending on how the wishing thing worked.

“Hazah. I managed to hold it this time!” Clay Face exclaimed. Harley turned back and noticed the lack of brown matter dripping in the backseat.

“Proud of you,” Harley said as King Shark left the overcrowded front of the car.

“Get in the back,” Sy said. “It’s about a four mile drive to the rest of the uh…” he stopped for a full minute, causing the rest of them to stop as well.

“Balls?” Harley said.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go,” Sy said.

“You better keep it in,” King Shark said, looking over at Clayface.

The car moved once again, zooming through what looked to be a desert of some sort. Harley wished that she had brought a camera or something, and settled for taking a few pictures on her phone. The sand was red and brown, the landscape filled with large hills and dunes.

“Dammit. I shoulda gotten a picture of that school,” Harley murmured.

“Do not fret!” Clayface said as he reached forward to hand her his phone. It was full of pictures of different people and places within the school. She didn’t even know how he managed to meet so many people within such a short time.

Harley looked up when she saw large, black spiky hair in the distance. Sy, however, did not start to slow down.

“Hey, I think he’s there,” Harley said.

“Who, what now?” Sy said before slamming straight into Goku.

“Oh shit,” King Shark said.

“What happened,” Sy asked.

Harley got out of the car.

“You coulda slowed down a little,” Goku said as he started to stand. He laughed under his breath, rubbing the back of his head.

Harley was just glad he wasn’t dead. “We got your balls,” she said as King Shark and Clay Face left the car holding the remaining three dragon balls.

Goku smiled. “Oh great! Put them over there are I’ll summon Shenron.”

“Shen who?” Harley asked.

“The dragon that fulfills wishes.”

“Right.” It had been a strange day, even by Harley’s standards.

Goku started to talk to himself whilst positioned in front of all seven balls. Then the sky went dark.

A dragon appeared. An actual fucking dragon. Green with little scales, flying in the air.

“Again?” the dragon said to Goku. “Seriously? This is like the 12th time.”

Goku grimaced and shrugged. “Sorry. A lots happened.”

“Fine, fine. Present your wish.”

“Right.” Goku looked at Harley. “Here goes.”

“Don’t fuck it up,” Harley said.

“I wish for this, uh, human’s earth to be restored to how it was before I visited, including the lives that were taken by my interference with their planet.”

“That is within my power.” His eyes seemed to glow for a moment, before turning back to their normal red color. “It is done.”

“It’s done?” Harley asked.

“Yes,” Shenron answered.

“So Ivy is back?”

“Anyone whose life was taken has been restored. Now I shall take my leave.” The dragon balls lifted into the sky and then flew outward, scattering across the land.

“Phew,” Goku said, placing his hands on his hips. “Sorry about the commotion earlier. It would have been real bad if Shenron couldn’t grant your wish.”

Harley froze. “You mean, there are wishes that thing can’t do?”

“Yeah, but that didn’t happen. So everything is good now. You guys should probably get going to your earth though. Just in case a portal shows up here. Thanks for the help!”

Harley was already in the car, honking the horn so that Sy would wake up. “Come on, Sy. Ivy’s back.”

“And Psycho too,” Clayface said, settling in the backseat next to King Shark.

“Yeah,” Harley said in afterthought.

“Alright. Buckle up,” he said.

With one last nausea inducing push, they were back on home earth.

“Dammit Clayface.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Brown mush was once again leaking all over the back seat. Harley ignored it and jumped out of the car, running inside the entrance to the mall as she called out Ivy’s name.

Ivy was there, next to Psycho on the ground.

“Harley?” she said, rubbing her head. “What the hell just happened?” She looked at Harley up and down. "What are you wearing?"

“School uniform. And, well, what do you remember?” Harley asked.

“A giant fucking portal opening and sucking up everything in sight.”

“Yeah, that’s the gist of it,” Harley said. “But we saved you!” She reached in and wrapped her arms around Ivy’s body. Ivy was warm and soft. Harley only let go when she felt Ivy start to fidget. It was then that she remembered everything that had recently happened between them on this earth.

“How?” Ivy asked.

“We had to go to like, four alternate worlds - actually I only went to three-” Harley started.

“The fourth place was awful!” King Shark interjected. “But we got the three last dragon balls.”

“Summoned the great dragon-”

Harley, Clay Face and King Shark all tried to tell the story at the same time, interrupting each other and adding in little details only they remembered.

“That’s great,” Psycho said. “Just fucking great,” he walked off and away without another word, rubbing his head.

“A dragon’s balls?” Ivy asked.

“I thought that at first too,” Harley said, “but I don’t think they were actually the dragon’s balls.”

Ivy smiled at her, softly at first, but then it turned into something more forced and unnatural. “Thank you,” she said. “God. Dying made me so tired,” she said.

“Yeah. I bet it does that,” Harley added as a silence settled over them, causing discomfort within the group. “Can I…take you home?” It was a stupid question that normally didn’t get asked between them. Their friendship was filled with constant action, not tentative questions.

“Harley are you going to watch SNL with us or should I record it?” Clayface asked.

“Record it,” she said.

Ivy didn’t answer Harley’s question, instead just staying by Harley’s side until Harley began to walk her out.

She was too quiet, which forced Harley to overcompensate for the silence by being unnaturally chatty. Talking about everything but their relationship; though Harley had a new insight to that as well. Her insight was that they were supposed to be together.

“Are you sure your okay?” Harley asked, when Ivy continued to listen with an eerie silence.

Ivy blessed Harley with another soft smile. “I’m really glad that you’re alive,” she said.

Harley hit chest with a closed fist. “I’m resilient,” she said. “Also you saved my life.”

“You brought me back from the dead,” Ivy said, laughing under her breath.

“It was so weird, Ive’s,” Harley said. “I met two other versions of us, you know. Also I met another version of Selena. Get this. Her name was Cathy.”

Both of them laughed, though Ivy much harder than Harley. “What was I like? Please tell me I wasn’t named something like Susan.”

“You were pretty much the same,” Harley said with a smile as she looked down towards the ground. Now they were at Ivy’s actual apartment; though Harley had no desire to separate - and decided to walk inside with Ivy.

Frank was on the couch. “Well hello,” he said. “What the _fuck_ was happening outside earlier? My weed man got sucked into a portal. You know how hard it is to find a good weed man? I am distraught.”

“He should be fine now,” Harley said. “It’s a long story.”

“Frank can you go somewhere else,” Ivy asked.

“I don’t have legs, Ivy. I find it insensitive that you so frequently forget that.”

Ivy rolled her eyes and covered her face with her hand. “You always do this. You know - just…forget it. Harley come into my room.” She grabbed Harley by the hand and led them into the room they’d been in so many times before.

“Don’t be too loud in there!” Frank said with a crude laugh.

“Ivy what’s-” Ivy leaned forward and kissed Harley on the mouth. “Oh,” she said when Ivy pulled away. “Okay.” Harley leaned in this time and kissed her.

And then they were kissing a lot.

Harley had kissed a lot of people, but Ivy was different from anything else. Partly because Harley was in love with Ivy. She loved Ivy more than anything else that ever existed. The kind of love that was reserved for heroes who saved cities. A warm love, comforting even if it wasn’t safe.

The other part of it was because Ivy was just a very good kisser.

Ivy stopped, pulling away with a slow exhale. She held Harley’s shoulders and stared at her.

“When I died my life really did flash before my eyes,” Ivy said.

“Yeah. That’s happened to me before, except instead of my life it’s usually Gilligan’s Island.”

Ivy chuckled and dropped her hands. “I saw you. Over and over again.” She sighed. “Even if I don’t trust you with my heart, you…you-” she stopped and dropped her hands. “You already have it. I’m so fucking bad at this,” she said, hiding her face from Harley with her hand. She had the faintest blush.

“I think you’re doing great,” Harley said, trying not to smile too hard though her heart was pounding.

“When you were about to be sucked into that portal, I was happy that I saved you,” Ivy said. “And when I think about things; you’re at the center of everything. Even when you’re not,” Ivy continued.

Harley swallowed.

“I guess what I’m saying is… I love you. Or whatever.”

Harley grabbed her hands. “I love you too,” she said, leaning in to kiss Ivy with all the love she had to give.

Then they had sex and stayed together forever.

_Fin_


End file.
